Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Reality Setting In

It's been a month now since Tom headed out to I predicted, it feels like just yesterday and yet an eternity.  In this short time, I've done a bit of growing and I finally feel like I'm coming out the other side and able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Next Friday, Lucas and I head to Seattle to celebrate my 45th birthday and share some much needed family time, before the final push -- we're then back in Miami for a few weeks to pack, give notice at my job (YES!!!!!) and tie up all the loose ends (Lucas' IEP meeting, which always gives me agita).

I could've never guessed that in some ways I'd be "starting over" at this ripe old age, which is equally frightening and liberating! I'm excited for this fantastic new adventure, although there have been days and moments since Tom's departure that I've wondered out loud, "what the hell are we doing?!" Relocating your life to the far corner of our country is a daunting and scary that requires more courage than I can usually muster. But in my "I give up" moments of weakness, I ask myself, "what's in Lucas' best interest?" and ultimately, what's in my family's best interest...and time and time again, I come to the same stay the course. A life out west may not be nirvana and it will certainly not be as sunny as my Miami, but it will give our son a more loving, peaceful, and stable environment to be raised in, surrounded by family and friends. In this life, I can't ask for much more promise from a fresh start. Just two more months in paradise.

Monday, February 13, 2012

12 Long Days...

Tom left for Seattle bright and early on February 2nd. Since, he's been busy catching up with his family and old friends as well as getting up to speed with his exciting new job. I'm jealous. Tom is living our future, while I'm "holding down the fort" in a life I'm getting ready to leave behind. The days fly by and at the same exact time...drag on. How's that possible?! I keep reminding myself this is another opportunity to grow and learn things about myself I wouldn't otherwise get a chance to do...I tell you, there are some lessons or experiences I know I could do without.

On the upside, with Tom away, I get to call all the shots (and those of you who know me, know I kinda like it that way). Lucas has been incredibly well behaved, and at times, even delightful! We have a routine established and he complies with most of my requests (without much whining). At night, he's able to spend a few minutes connecting with Tom via Skype which has been a huge help...he even hugs and kisses the computer. He understands Tom is living in Seattle and knows we will move too. If you ask him now where he lives, he will usually say "Seattle" -- not quite yet, little man! Another 75 days or'll be here before you know it (yeah, right!).

On the downside, I'm exhausted all the time! I have a new-found appreciation and respect for single parents (and those whose spouses are deployed) who do it all, every day. Did I just say "do it all"? No, no, no...the secret to survival is understanding you CAN'T do it all. So, I do as much as I can, when I can. It's not a good proposition for my type-A personality, but there's another growth opportunity too...challenging myself to do the best I can and be okay if it's not my best.

It's not just the practical, everyday things (taking out the trash, helping Lucas with homework, making dinner -- I miss my husband's cooking!) that take a toll, but it's the simple fact that I miss my family...the everyday silliness and joy that comes from being together and sharing ourselves with one another. But as many of my friends have reminded me: this too shall pass.